Boyfriend expects me to pay for everything reddit I don't have an extra $100 to drop on a single dinner. For me, a partner who doesn't pay half the bills isn't worth keeping around. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment. I asked her why it was my responsibility to pay. As the "bread winner", you pay the unfair share. Not me. And when I say everything I mean everything. I dont Boyfriend invites me to a wedding and then expects me to pay for half the hotel room, fair? Just asking, if someone invited you to attend a wedding. Thats what a relationship is. But had no problem telling me her dinner and drink orders, finding expensive restaurants on yelp and when we went grocery shopping I had to buy extra gluten free things (she doesn’t have celiac). It sounds like he's using you. My comment to her was the same as my comment to you-- You are in a lopsided relationship, and that Now that I’m on my way to a 6 figure career, my boyfriend expects me to take over the house bills so that he can start a business and quit his job. His house was a gift from his mother on his 18th AITA for refusing to pay rent to my boyfriend? Asshole My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over a year and are discussing moving in together. What stood out to me is the fact that she told me she expects the guy to pay for all the dates in a relationship and would never date someone who didn't take her out to really nice places and pay for everything. I handle all of our finances as well. guy im seeing expects me to pay for everything? quick explanation: I’ve been seeing this guy for two months and in the beginning we had been on a few food dates. Sometimes covered his rent. Since then I’ve spent 300$ on her. New. My guess is that your boyfriend is scared. I asked if everything was okay with his job, or if he needed to take fewer hours, and he wouldn't answer me. I currently live with my parents. 0 coins. Mine is untreated because doctors don’t listen to women where I live, so I had to come up with my own coping skills to be a functioning adult. Then later holds it over my head when I don’t clean and say I paid for this for you or I got us groceries. She made similar accusations about me not paying for things (even though I am pretty certain it was a 75/25 breakdown in my favor). She asked my ex boyfriend specifically to go get her Chinese food once, and I told her no. We broke up, everything was in his name abd he owed me thousands in rent and I had to leave. I agree that she is being unreasonable. He has never made me feel like he had ownership over me because of things he’s bought me or paid for. He does. Hell when she went with me to send me off to my college across the country from home, 'I' was expected to pay for our rental car and hotel for 2. ) She is expected to pay all bills and do all housework, while he --- does nothing I guess. I expect him to pay for everything when we have kids. I'm also studying. Relationships My boyfriend (28M) and I (28F) have been dating for about 7 months and I moved into his apartment about a month ago. But I'd definitely feel bad saving thousands every month with her just barely scraping by. Valheim Genshin Impact Minecraft Pokimane Halo Infinite Call of Duty: Warzone Path of Exile Hollow Knight: Silksong Escape from Tarkov Watch Dogs: TL;DR: Boyfriend has 0 work history, isn't in school and is bringing in money by his mom slipping him cash every week and it's bugging the hell out of me. If he offers to pay that would be nice but I don't expect him to pay every single time. She always makes me go with him to pay the bills and Posted by u/PositiveOnion801 - No votes and 2 comments Hello. And I want her to be If she scoffs or expects you to pay for her then you can safely move on. This can work if both partners are good with money, earn about the same salary, have similar debt levels, and To have a healthy relationship, there are a number of things it's not OK for your partner to ask of you. You need to But had no problem telling me her dinner and drink orders, finding expensive restaurants on yelp and when we went grocery shopping I had to buy extra gluten free things (she doesn’t have celiac). My mother passed away last year and I received an inheritance. So I guess He expects me to create that as well. My ex said the same things your ex said. They She asked me if we can hang out tonight or talk on the phone that she’s been going through it and needs my support. I understand that. I buy her things and take her out when I can, but I feel like it should be a mutual thing. Get the Reddit app Scan this QR code to download the app now. I made literally 1/3 of his pay and he expected me to pay for everything (like trips that he wanted to go on. I can buy 2 weeks groceries with that. Relationships I know money is divisive in this subreddit so I'm hesitant to post but here it goes. It wasn't a big deal at all, but she's the kind of girl who'll make it a big deal. Paid $7 for crackers and other ridiculous things. I started noticing that most everything one has to do in their day to day is done by his mother. Idk the procedure on this. But she thinks I’m supposed to, “as a man should” pay for EVERYTHING and she only worry about taking care of her child. We have amazing time together and overall she is nice and cool. What we usually did was split the bill. She's not the one staying up until 8 AM working to pay for the things we do. Just HIMSELF. I honestly feel as if she just wants me to take over for what her dad is doing for her (his child) Welcome to r/AmITheAsshole. So receiving things without paying people back or doing something in return makes me very uncomfortable. You summed up everything I"ve wanted to say in a way I couldn't. He calls me selfish, says we've invested too much, etc. In my experience it's rare that a woman would expect the boyfriend to pay for hair and nails. During our relationship, he has been to jail twice, both times for putting his hands on me. Some context: She doesnt have a car, I do. Controversial. I do all of these tasks the issue is I only do it when I feel like it not when he wants it. I have no problem letting my boyfriends pay for stuff, because at another time when the check comes I'll be the one paying or that's how it used to (32f) My family expects my boyfriend (33m) to pay for me, especially if we all go out as a family once they see I am paying my own tab. He owns his home but still has mortgage payments to make on it. Need help with your relationship? Whether it's romance, friendship, family, co-workers, or I’ve been dating girlfriend for one year I love her to bit she is great person smart and etc. Which hurt because when she did that I was beyond greatful and it really made me enjoy the meal. In October my [27M] girlfriend [27F] and I had our 2 year anniversary. He cooks for me once every 1-2 months. She didn’t take advantage as much then, but lately I have noticed things going missing. My girlfriend 32 who has a child from a previous relationship told me I’m 32 that as a man I should buy her whatever she needs, and if I don’t I’m not a real man. He is also happy to pay for everything. My boyfriend [29M] invited me [25F] You said yourself you split everything 50/50. New comments cannot be For the guys who pay for everything— I have a history of turning to Reddit when I got through relationship things hah. She told me with her moving into her apartment I Reasons why your boyfriend wants you to pay for everything? Your boyfriend wants you to pay for everything because you have been keeping up with his tantrums without a hitch. He always finds a reason to "convince" me not to. He’s mad at me because he says no one supports him But were it me, I wouldn't travel without my long term SO. I like equality. I am more conscious of paying my own way with my bf (even though I'm a college student and he is fully qualified with a good job) because I don't have a lot of money. Stop paying for anything and see how long he sticks around, see how much of his conversation revolves around things you "should" be buying and doing for My boyfriend gave up his job and now expects me to pay for everything. He will drive me wherever I want to go, in my own car that I make payments on and pay insurance for. Woman’s perspective here - it makes me uncomfortable for a man to pay for everything all the time as it ends up feeling like I owe him in other ways, whether that’s putting out or whatever. He Is Not Working. Been together almost 13 years. I honestly wouldn't have gotten upset if there In your 20s it's sooooo easy to think "oh they just haven't gotten their career sorted, but surely there's time" (me lying to myself at 24 about why my 30yo boyfriend was still working side gigs). We went on many dates and I had to pay not even leave a tip or anything. Together 3 years intermittently (as he left me a few times) and not currently living together. I got a place and when he got out, he came and lived with me. The way you write you are not and that is completely ok. He would also be annoyed when I stopped paying and used to make us split the bill. I’m 24. I sleep there most nights and spend Yes, we both can afford to live alone, but during quarantine it’s hard because no socializing/ going out / seeing anyone will be difficult for me/ him. Best. I pay all the rent, my boyfriend lives with me and my name is on the lease. He expects me to do all the housework (cooking, cleaning, décor, maintenance, admin, etc. I feel bad for being distant but I feel like she never helps me when I need her but expects me to help her when she needs it. To flip the script a little bit: I make 50k and my boyfriend makes 300k. Today she sent me a ‘bill’ she expects me to pay each month while i’m at school which consists of my portion of car insurance, phone bill, and other living expenses coming out to 250 a month. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: I believe I might be the asshole because I certainly COULD pay for all our household expenses, but believe my wife should pay some of them as a sign of shared If someone I only just met expects me to pay for the pleasure of their company, I don't foresee this person engaging with me in a mutually respectful relationship where we are equals and equally share the burden in the future. Why shouldn’t I pay for things from time to time’. Anyone who expects to go rent free needs to be reminded that this isnt the 80s or 90s anymore. She also works, but I think she wants me to take on this role because I am the man in the relationship. Premium Powerups Explore Gaming. You have invested your unflinching faith in your boyfriend, and now he is using it to his benefit. If we go somewhere he doesn’t even ask if I can pay, he just expects me to do it My (25f) boyfriend (26m) and I have been together for about 10 months. Suggest splitting the bill for the next date, keep it low key. So I ask him “you want me to do all the work and pay back the camera and you keep 50% of all of my income, meanwhile you do nothing?” He looked at me like he was offended that I don’t understand how this is a gift. I've always felt uncomfortable having dates or really anyone pay for me. Women who want men to pay for things want men to be in charge. She has been brought up by a single mother after age of 14, who's husband always used paid for her. If she refuses then tell her she’s covering the next one. I don't know how these guys can seriously thing all women are gold diggers when even the ones with decent jobs refuse to pay rent. It genuinely makes him upset when I pay for things on my own. However, paying for a date is fairly common although less so than it used to be. She treated me one time but then complained to me 2 weeks later that she had to pay for it sadly. If he doesn't have a car but you do that is a perfectly valid reason to not date him hun. If I go grocery shopping, I pay the bill and then my boyfriend will then pay me back exactly half the amount. Since I told her I wouldn't be able to pay for her any more she hardly contacts me. I don’t know what to do. No working woman would pay for everything for her student boyfriend. I don't feel the need to pay for the pleasure of your Get the Reddit app Scan this QR code to download the app now Not gonna lie, this would be a huge red flag for me relationship wise. I have my own money so I can pay for my things. The thing is, when we first started dating - I told him that I NEED a man that can support himself. I painted the entire house, remodeled the kitchen, changed fixtures, installed insulation, etc on my own. But I feel like it's an incredible insult to me and my time. It’s just not part Today she sent me a ‘bill’ she expects me to pay each month while i’m at school which consists of my portion of car insurance, phone bill, and other living expenses coming out to 250 a month. You should be clear with your boyfriend that you dont want to pay anymore. I need some advice. I lived with my bf. She called me a bitch. See if the girl will offer to pay or at least split the bill after that. He apologized to me and his to parents and he gave me an opportunity to tell them anything I wanted to tell them about my actual family, my life. TL:DR my boyfriend makes 2. You wanna take a trip, but she can't afford it, you save up longer and pay for the two of you to go. She occasionally still tries but I I absolutely never expect him to pay for me, but he almost always does. I'll keep cash and a debit card on me so I can pay for myself, but I'll let them pay if they insist. The fact that you DONT have income, AND she expects you to pay for everything is complete, utter nonsense. My (26f) boyfriend (30m) and I have been together for two years and a half. and make me fork over hundreds of dollars) but would buy me Get the Reddit app Scan this We live 19 hours a part and she expects me to pay for her ticket. A lady never pays in my presence. Top. Is this normal that this girl always expects me to pay for her? She always messages me throughout My boyfriend is fairly sensitive and takes issue with certain things I say or do to an unreasonable extent imo. If she did, the fact that her boy toy didn't have a car and didn't do all of the chores in the household would be further proof that he's a piece of shit and his struggling with school further proof that he isn't good enough for her. See how she Whenever we go out, she expects me to pay the bill. My (22m) girlfriend (21f) expects me to pay for everything. I really dont understand why she wants me to pay for literally everything. I said no because my name isn’t on the house. Q&A. 43 M. He was actually really forthcoming and laid pretty much everything out. Didn't want to talk about it. Just comes down to your values if you are ok with that. Girlfriend expects me to pay for every date we ever go on and I need I don’t agree with the notion of the man should be paying for every single outing and I make sure that my boyfriend and I usually take turns paying or I will offer to pay for an She comes from a rich family and has daddy pay for everything she wants. We do not live together. Thoughts? Archived post. They were really interested and it was really I have a friend who is currently paying her boyfriend's mortgage while the boyfriend refuses to work. We started dating a month and a half ago. This doesnt include the times we take turns paying for takeout/delivery. I pick her up from her house and we drive back together to my house. Take charge. The marriage lasted less than 2 years. not. S. I mean look at it, she expects this now after a year so I can only imagine what she might expect when you would be married/have a family. He is not currently working (sabbatical) but when he I do everything around the house and I mean everything. She offered to pay me back, and tried to throw some money at me the next day, but the sandwich was like five bucks, it really wasn't a big deal. They both shed non-stop, more so the cat because he lays on everything . And honestly I resent hearing that there are guys out there who only have to show up and the girl handles everything. Members Online • LordzTJ. He would assume that I would pay even if he offered to go out most of the time. On vacation, he pays for everything except my plane ticket. This makes me vulnerable to abuse. To be fair I also played this game of chicken at our ‘anniversary dinner’ and he paid, but he looks at me waiting to offer. My bf let me stay with him. Share Sort by: Best. My boyfriend is 22. We live together. "You're my boyfriend and should pay for everything" is stuck up and unrealistic, to put it bluntly, and the relationship won't 30 votes, 11 comments. I have no relationship experience beforehand. My bf said I can stay with him as long as I cook and clean. want. Paying for her My boyfriend and I have been together for about five years. . For one, she expects me to take on her responsibilities as a “partner”. So really, just need to communicate and develop realistic goals and plans with each other. We have been dating for 3 months now and she expects me to pay for everything where ever we go or what ever we do together. Living in someone’s house rent free is She has a lot of money saved but only likes to spend it on her self. This dude has quite the I asked him once if he felt guilty when I pay for him, and he said no because we’re in a relationship and we’ve got each other’s back. But its like - every single time. 5 times more than me but makes me pay for half of rent, half of groceries (even though he eats 75% more), and half of HIS storage unit. She texted me “thanks for everything” from the airport. because I earn significantly more than my GF. I didn’t mind so much in the summer when I It’s just different for me because my ex-boyfriend was really cheap and didn’t want to like pay for most things he always wanted me to like splits or something so I think it’s just kind of weird for me to have a guy wanting to pay for everything and just wanting me to just relax So, I started to say no. I come back and she's in a horrible mood for rest of the day. She waited for me to go out and went trough all my things in search for money. The reason for this is simple. I know I make more but I am so insulted that he wants me To pay for everyyything. It helped me get out of a bad My boyfriend (of 3 years) recently moved in with me about 6 months ago. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: expecting my boyfriend to be a bit more generous financially 2. Buy her things you think she should have, and smile and chuckle when she asks for things she really does not need, and tell her why she does not need them. She expects that in a partnership, I should make food for her kid and feed/walk her pets when she’s had We did not live together at that time. Nothing. Her trip left a bad taste in my mouth. He NEVER pays for anything, he always makes me pay. I’ve started to avoid eating around him so I don’t have to cook I agree I mean if she had said you pay rent I pay utilities and we split cost on food and living needs fine. But the thing is, I didn’t grow up spoilt. He had a job but otherwise just played video games. Long story short she set up dinner with me, her, and 5 members of her family. BF (28/M) expects me to pay high ticket prices for concert (24/F) even though I lost my job. He has this idea that if he wasn't with me he wouldn't be eating in this place or that, he wouldn't be Some couples find that paying half of everything in a marriage works well - that's part of their financial plan. She doesn’t even offer to pay. If we go somewhere he doesn’t even ask if I can pay, he just expects me to do it I have a friend who is currently paying her boyfriend's mortgage while the boyfriend refuses to work. A relative’s birthday is coming up and I told her I’d be paying for myself and my son (14y) and that my boyfriend was paying for himself. You can only expect a little from him if he is working or was recently laid off. Locked post. Recently, I tried breaking up with him again. Use the laundromat, I do. I make around $90,000 base salary and my bf makes around $230,000 base salary. I understand holding traditional views, but you literally cannot afford to. I don’t have a problem with the idea of splitting the bills that way and there would not be an issue if we were My Boyfriend Is Making Me Pay Him Back For Everything, Can He Make Me Do That? I have been in my current relationship with my boyfriend for almost 4 years now. My boyfriend (M27) and I (F25) have been together for 3 years. I will be honest I did have to talk him out of him wanting me to pay rent at first although I explained to him that I wished to do the chores around the house instead, I also made very A month ago I met a girl who's in her early 30s. If I did it alone I would be more than happy to, but she used that trip as free rental car and free hotel to have a fling with my new She's had rich boyfriends who pay for everything and spoil her financially, but I: one, can't do that right now. He doesn’t have ADHD, but I do. At the bottom of the invite was a bill for $400 to pay for the venue plus $150 for the meal. I mean in previous dates/relationships girls at least just offered to pay which i declined and paid for them, to what they would just buy me some drinks, etc. Things are mostly good, we share a lot of interests and rarely ever quarrel, he's a genuinely very sweet and good man however recently I have come to a realization that one thing he does really bugs me. My dad makes more than my mom, but all the money is just lumped together. Just me. For my boyfriend to be so willing to cancel plans with me with little to no notice "because his dad will be mad at him" is degrading I pay slightly over ⅔ of rent, utilities, groceries etc. It is bad enough that she doesn’t pay her way, but I am really struggling to believe that she is stealing from me. My dad works as a sailor and he is always away as well, so moving with him would be impossible. she also told me to prepare to pay the bills when I come home this summer since she plans to spend it at her boyfriends house. Maybe he might become clear with his financial situation on why he cant afford to pay for most of the dates. She never ordered anything cheap either. Hey, i have a really nice boyfriend and he treats me well. I wouldn't do it for fun. I just want to start this off by stating that I absolutely love my boyfriend, he's my bestfriend and the love of my life, and I don't mind paying for things most times; however, my boyfriend and I are both 23 and we live together, for the past year he has been out of work, so I have been paying for everything, rent, utilities, groceries, vet bills, his medical bills, gas for both of our cars Also, it might be good to ask her what would happen if she had to pay for everything for you and your friends to help her see your side of it. I guess I think your boyfriend is all around tacky. But the one issue im having is that he always lets me pay for things whenever we go out. After we discussed this, my bf informed me that I had to pay rent to live in his place. Would far rather split everything equally and then treat each other to dates/ gifts/ trips when it feels right. I’ve tried my dang hardest to pitch in on multiple occasions, but he refuses. I pay for fuel. If she can't then, I don't know, you need to reevaluate your relationship. To me that’s being less of a man. I always offer to pay, or at least pay half, and sometimes I can get away with it. So yeah, my dad is probably paying like 70% of the grocery bill. My new boyfriend and I are both seventeen and seniors in high school. Reddit. We have been living together since the . P. If you can pay for your own meal but he can't pay for his own meal then it's a perfectly valid reason to not date him. She needs to understand this. To him, nothing else is more important, nothing justifies missing it. For background, I plan to move in with him in a few months. He will take out the trash once a week or help with some repairs that need two people, but whines about it. But thats because WE’VE TALKED ABOUT IT. He has 1 large long hair dog and a cat. My boyfriend is very much an acts of service fellow and for him, I think asking me to grab him a glass or water or something is the same thing as me asking for a hug Mine is shared and my husband earns more so we don't have these types of conversation. I asked him once if he felt guilty when I pay for him, and he said no because we’re in a relationship and we’ve got each other’s back. When you're actually a couple and you do pay for her then it actually means something rather than just an empty gesture done out of a feeling of obligation. Expecting to pay for friends and random gifts from wishlists are BIG red flags. Hell for my gf I didnt even have to have a conversation, she pretty much paid for everything since I was out of job and when I realized what a hit shed takin financially I felt super bad and moved back into my parents, now I have a job She was really embarrassed, and I offered to pay. He literally calls me his Queen and treats me as such. 11M subscribers in the relationship_advice community. He was using me. He always came off as a misogynistic prick due to things he would I don't think it's bad, really. Reply reply foldrmap • I don't think we could possibly help you. I don't want to lose him but I'm sick of hearing "love is all you need". Boyfriend (25) expects me (22f) to adapt to him, bit refuses to make changes himself. It's not that he's financially struggling -he should recommend activities within his budget and not ask for fancy stuff. Forcing a 50/50 mentality is not a romantic relationship, its a business relationship and it isn't She is a heavy cannabis user, and got me into smoking occasionally too, although I do not do it as regularly as she does. While this is the strongest possibility, matters of the heart must be My mother was the same, but only to me it seems, not my sisters and their boyfriends. Normally, we split things almost 50/50, but he’ll treat me to nice dinners and cover a few miscellaneous things while we’re out together Tl;dr: who should pay for plane tickets when visiting one person’s friends? Edit: clarity and bolding Edit #2: I want to clarify that I don’t expect my SO to pay for my part on normal vacations. [UPDATE] My super rich boyfriend lets me pay for everything and never takes me out in public. Although he makes around 2. My current boyfriend doesn't like it when I pay in front of his friends or at a restaurant (he says splitting it is tacky), but I pay for groceries, fast food, takeout, etc to keep it even. FYI, the company is non existent. I keep my apartment super clean, and didn't want pets because I hate dealing with shedding and their dirty/muddy paws. She never offers to pay for anything, never buys us anything etc. To me it’s a matter of honor. Her response to me is always “ I don't want her to be happy”, and every "no" is followed by a fight “I expects the man to pay for everything and take care of me”. pay. His expenses have tripled since we started dating. Turns out it was a wedding invitation, not personally from her, but from her coordinator inviting me to their wedding. She told me that since I organized everything and I was "THE MAN," I was obliged to pay for everyone. It’s got to the point where every single time we hang out together, she expects me to pay for everything- fuel to drive out to pick her up, food, cigarettes, and of course weed. They don't HAVE to pay for me so when they do it's like "Aww, thank you for the dinner, it was super yummy :)" or whatever. He’s used to paying for every single thing every single time. She asked me to pay half and I said that's a lot of money. Since we started dating 7 months ago, I feel like I've had to make a load of changes to myself to suit his personality and lifestyle, yet he doesn't seem to return the favour. I asked what he wanted me to pay now, and he was adamant about it being 50/50. I pay for the food, and dates, most gas, and I also got her some nice stuff for Christmas. She wants me to pay for all the dates and we’re together for like 10 months. I know I probably sound rude, but I'm trying to go to college, and also spend my money on, you know, myself. New comments cannot be posted. He was emotionally cheating on me with this barista and broke up with me for her. I went home that day only to find an extra ten in my wallet. He My boyfriend portrayed himself as an independent person, but about 8 months ago he started slipping up with his cover. But when I was “on my own” & dating healthily I saw how toxic parts of THAT sub was. Also, next time she goes out with friends, I suggest you don't go, and don't give her money for it. Expects you to pay for things, asking a girlfriend of a few months for a fancy gift, then wanting a receipt to upgrade when he won't pay for you both. We were just friends and never dated and were not interested in dating. When he went to jail, he lost his place. ) as well as childcare if we ever have children. My friend's boyfriend gave me an inappropriately expensive I feel like this sometimes. I work full-time and make a good salary. Expects people to buy everything for her because she will find someone else who pay for everything. Admittedly my family has more wealth but I just cannot seem to look at this person like more than a beggar. I was ok with doing the back and forth commute of 40minutes total but I am wondering how normal it is to expect this from me. is a key thing for me. I've always told the guys I dated "I'm with you cus I My Boyfriend Expects Me To Pay For Everything – 20 Reasons 1. If I were in his place I But *every single* time we hang out, I have to pay for everything because she doesn't have any money. If you are fed up of paying for everything (and you should be), don't offer to pay beyond the first few dates. I don’t really feel comfortable doing so. Apparently this make me the bad guy. am I supposed to pay? Should I pay? I’m a woman, recently I’ve been paying for everything for a family friend who seems to expect it from me. For context, we are Boyfriend expects me to cook every meal, how do I put my foot down? submitted by Rtukldn Friends have told me to ‘just cook for myself’ but this causes extreme awkwardness and a lot of the time he has chipped in for food shopping and will bring that up so I can’t do that. And its not just that I pay , its that he assumes I will just pay for EVERYTHING I had a friend like this and I eventually called her out on it because she expected me to pay every time we hang out. She's a student who can travel for free, the bus stop is a 1minute walk from her appartment. Is My boyfriend makes a lot more than me and is used to a more lavish way of life. Let’s get straight to it. You should pay for your own tickets or don’t go I don’t think he should have to pay, I get invited to eat with friends, but I don’t expect them to pay for me, I mean, it’s nice if I want to prefix this by saying that we don't live together, but are planning to do so in late summer/early autumn of this year. But she always expects me to pay for her whenever we go. Dont even have to say that just once u confirm the relationship make an agreement that everything's 5050 unless specified otherwise. We both have jobs on campus and are students, but he insists on paying. But unless he makes way more than you and you're struggling financially, I wouldn't expect him to pay for dates. For those of you who have been following along, turns out he had many women in his life and I was just one of many side pieces. I just lost it last Monday and demanded an answer from her. He wants us to split all household bills 50-50. Because of this my boyfriend expects me to pay for everything in our relationship. He too had a mother that did everything. I only pay 175 a month but I also have my own place I still pay for until I find someone to take lever the lease. I wouldn’t even let someone pay for me on my birthday. Everybody expects him to fail and he doesn't want to fulfill that profecy. It’s been a rocky relationship recently, but I think the biggest issue is that he always expects me to pay for things. We own a rental property and I collect rents and manage the finances for Just as a second perspective, the OP reminds me of my boyfriend, and while I find it somewhat annoying sometimes, I don't think it has the same motivations outined in your comment. I graduated from college recently and got a job, and my bf and I decided it was time to move in together. If she is living in a an apartment, she does not need a washer/dryer. Sometimes he will pay me back, sometimes he won't. It's not terrible, but it's strenuous. He expected Haley to do all the cooking and cleaning while she held down 2 jobs to pay down the credit card debt the both got into. I’ve moved out with my current fiancé, and she wonders why I never visit. turns me down. So i confronted her about it and she told me how she's mad at me for hiding money from her and literally started crying I am from Baltics and my girlfriend is partly Russian. There was a time he was making more than me but we’ve My niece has a friend who married a man just like your boyfriend. During that time he has neglected doing chores and expects dinner to be ready Advertisement Coins. Lease was in his name. So be the There are alot of other things that make me feel like his caretaker, but my biggest concern that takes up so much of my frustration is providing ALL his meals to him. I paid most of expensesutilities and food. My mother is similar. I want him to do it for himself and get his ass in school already and work so I can quit financially supporting us on my tiny paychecks. I do want to spoil her and make her feel good but I don’t feel like it’s cool when I pay for everything. (They live together, and her name is not on the deed. I have a simmilar situation with my boyfriend, he expects something nice for his birthdays, but the rest of the year he's actually very generous, as I have a significantly lower income than him and he offers to pay for me anytime we go out to eat or shopping if I can't pay for myself. I dated a girl that made the exact same amount of money as me and I paid for the majority of things. Before I moved in, he used to order food every day but now he expects me to cook and makes me feel obligated to do so. If she doesn’t want to pay then she’s just using you and walk away. She always did his laundry in our apartment (even though he didn’t live there and 3 people did) and she always cooked for him. He pays for groceries and dinners out. Would you be expected to pay for half of the hotel room? Or is this guy being cheap? Personally I rather not go to the wedding but I’ve accepted the invitation as a courtesy. I know this varies around the world but where I am the bride and groom or maybe their family pays for the venue and food. throwaway24515 • Cancel. When we didn't share but lived together and he made slightly more, we would split bills evenly but everything else was a you get me now and i'll cover you later. ADMIN MOD My girlfriend is telling me to buy her everything she needs and If I don’t I’m not a real man. Or check it out in the app stores   He pays me $600/month to put toward bills which is basically all he can really afford. Don't get me wrong, I have no problem spending money on her. He used his unemployment to pay me back for the months he did not pay rent when he first moved in with me. The issue is, we live in an apartment together that I pay for. to. We've been dating for about a month and my problem is he pays for every single date. I am not happy and have attempted to break up with him. That $600 is 1/3 of the rent on our small 1 bedroom apartment and I cover the rest. He’s 26 and wouldn’t even drink water unless I nagged him to do so. It was provided to me by my employer. Could she technically afford to pay 50% of everything on her salary? Sure, but she'd pretty much save nothing for her/our future. I was fine with this, and somewhat hoped he would pay more for dates, groceries etc (but understood this is the 21st century and I should not* expect my bf to pay). Otherwise it feels like an unwelcome This is Reddit's very own solution-hub. She got mad. If you There is absolutely nothing wrong with having standards that you yourself can meet (aka reasonable standards). To make it even worse I think a lot of his money came from his parents. She's not asking for a lot when she does (maybe for me), but it’s just not a good feeling that the relationship looks like it’s conditional. Old. might make me an AH because i’m expecting him to pay for me when he isn’t obligated to If my mom went grocery shopping, it came from that account. my father is an Boyfriend (28M) spends his whole paycheck on frivolous purchases, then expects me (28F) to pick up the tab on everything as soon as he is broke. The times my partner has said they'll pay for me I am always thankful because to me it's like a present or something and it makes me feel appreciated and loved. During these times, he expects me to put aside my bewilderment and indignation at his getting upset over small things and comfort him and provide him with emotional validation. Need help with your relationship? Whether it's romance, friendship My boyfriend (30m) of 1 year is always asking me (28f) for money. Aside from paying the rent, food, and everything, which is fine and makes sense, the fact that I need to pay for trivial things (trivial to me but "very important" to her), is what drains me inside, and makes me fill down really. I’ve told him before that I don’t mind paying sometimes but I don’t wanna do it all the time. We own a business together in my name and operate it out of our tiny You are enjoying a female privilege without recognizing it. I mean sure I'd LOVE never to have to pay for stuff but that His dad is incredibly difficult when it comes to family time. Sometimes he lets me take him out and I pay for our dates although that took some getting used to for him lol. For some Basically the brunch went really well. My (f39) boyfriend (m29) has seemingly stopped talking to me since this Tuesday just gone all because I was very reluctant to fork out the money to book & pay for a hotel room in our home town so that we could be together. It may be the season. It's about These days I’m married to a man who loves and respects me. He compares my 8-hour workday to his and shames me for spending time watching Netflix or doing other 'unproductive stuff,' instead of cooking dinner for him. She'd act like she had no money and after I'd pay she'd go shopping. Drinks we use his card for the bill, I tip (well) in cash. I like him a lot, but he's a trust fund kid, and my mom found out. She keeps telling me Because of this, I can be easily taken advantage of and be “too nice” and feel immense guilt for not doing everything I can for others. I agreed. Knowing where to draw the line when it comes to behaviors can help ensure that your No. Because i could finally go easy on my bank account. She is not getting taken advantage of we’re three years in and we’re still paying for stuff and we don’t know how to stand up for ourselves like what’s going on here he was threatening to break up with you instead of you just be like OK break up with me you’re like I wanna be with you even though you’re complaining about having to pay for everything like people create their own My boyfriend told me this morning that his son was sick and would be staying home today and when I said My boyfriend does the bare minimum in supporting our household and expects me to drop everything on a dime if he or his child need me but doesn’t reciprocate My 34M girlfriend 29F expects me to pay for everything Welcome to r/AmITheAsshole. With my last 3 girlfriends I expected them to pay half on the first date and it worked out fine. I told her that I have plans tonight with my boyfriend and if I have time I’ll call her later. She ended up telling me that I embarrassed her in front of her friends by not paying for everyone. Honestly I got out of a toxic relationship of 5 years bc of a sub on here that pumped me up mentally. And two, don't feel like I should do that even if I could. Posted by u/One_Island5746 - 1 vote and no comments TL;DR - I told my girlfriend she needs to use her words if she wants me to do something because I'm not a mind reader and can't know she needs help or wants me to clean if she doesn't say something. I am. I He makes a lot more than I do, and we've always split bills accordingly, which ends up being about 80% him. I don't know that she's being malicious, but you're at least subconsciously being tested. I told him that if he wants me to live that life too, he has to pay for it, because I can't afford it and I wouldn't be doing those things if we weren't together. It makes me feel like I’m Obligated to do all the chores in the house. Your boyfriend is 7 years older than me and still expects to be babied. We are both un our 30s and doing ok financially, and i find it really stingy to do the whole "just pay for what you had" thing. It will only get I never expect him to pay for me, but when he wants to go out and I have no money he says don’t worry I go you. 12M subscribers in the relationship_advice community. Open comment sort options. There is one problem, she expects me to pay for everything, I mean everything. My advice is to just make an effort to split stuff evenly from now on, this isn't an impossible hurdle to overcome. There’s no website, LLC, paperwork. Her boyfriend would get off on the fact that he bought her everything and would brag to me about it, as would she. I don't enjoy what I do. Cigarettes, food, spare change, weed etc. He also made over 200k as a dentist. 5x more than I do, we split everything evenly. Some examples of things I need to pay include: - Hair cut / color / treatment, 250 dollars every 2 months I’m happy to serve and support him with my labors of love and he is understanding and happy to help when need be. She has a young daughter and 4 pets who have obviously moved in with her. I can’t afford this at all and don’t know what to do. My boyfriend pays for a lot more things than I do, he also makes more than me and says no I got it. Is this fair? I let my first boyfriend take my car to drive to work in the next town 20 mins over, and my dad bought me a bike to ride to work in town, 30 min round trip on the side of a busy highway. I was very impressed by my boyfriend. To me it looks like you will be expected to pay for about everything. My boyfriends house stresses me out. It is so incredibly clear. He goes down to their house and stays the night every weekend, always coming home with new stuff, a $3,000 camera, new apple lap top, she does his laundry. She doesn't really She now just expects me to pay for her for the full night and said I'm being unfair by offering to lend her the money instead. And most times, my husband (then boyfriend) would pay for dinner and groceries to even it out. In late February, I got a boyfriend. I’m about as traditional as they come. axsu ckupesjg zzy ycxh vvo fvtvz whuhu yepbw hokcrz oacy